Waiting to visit Sami

I go to sleep missing Sami, and I wake up missing her. This morning I can't be there because we are meeting with who-will-most-likely-be her pediatrician at 12:40 p.m. today. Then I am off to see Sami.

I had been working in the middle of night every night to be able to spend every day and evening with Sami, but I had finished everything I needed to do for the week Thursday morning, so last night I finally got to sleep a little bit. I think I slept about 6 hours, which is a lot better than the 2 or 3 hours I've been getting every other night.

I called the hospital this morning, and her nurse today said that Sami took an entire bottle at 6 a.m., and at 9 a.m. she decided to let her rest and just fed her through the tube. I really hate that. I sometimes feel that when I am not there, they don't even try with the bottle. I want to believe that it is truly because Sami needs to rest from eating, but sometimes it seems that it is just the easy way out for them. The nurse did say that at noon she will try the bottle again and see how Sami does. I wish I could be there for that, but I will probably not make it up there until before her 3 p.m. feeding. I will probably stay at that point until they close the NICU at 6:30 p.m. for the nurses' shift-change. I plan on being back when they reopen at 8 p.m., and Steven was planning on going back with me tonight. It's only 10 a.m. now and it feels like seeing her around 3 p.m. is a lifetime away right now.

Tonight I will be bring something of hers home with me. I read an article about how to get your pets ready for a new baby, and it suggests bringing something home that smells like the baby and letting your pet smell it, so that I are used to her scent before she comes home. I talked to a nurse about it last night, and she said that is the best way to start the introduction, and that is what she did when she had a baby. She said that when her baby came home from the hospital, her dog felt like he already knew her because he had been smelling one of her items for a few days previously.