Sorry folks, this is a long one....

For the most part, things are going very well. We are getting really excited for Baby S to be part of our family, and are making so many plans. We are pretty sure on a name, but are waiting to share it with the world until she is here. Sorry - but you all have to stay in suspense. :)

Elizabeth called me today, and we had a good conversation. She keeps telling me how happy she has been since we met, and how at peace she feels about everything. She has invited me to be in the room when the baby is born, and said she wants the baby handed directly to me, and wants me to take her out of the room as soon as possible. She does not want to hold her or see her. I feel for her, and can't imagine what that moment will be like for her. I will see Elizabeth again in two weeks, for her next doctor's appointment. At this time Elizabeth will be about 20 weeks along, and halfway through the pregnancy. We should have the amnio results early next week, but for some reason I am not worried about them. The doctor took measurements of every part of Baby S, from her brain to her heart, to her arms and legs. He said everything looked great, and at this point the measurement of the brain is most important, and that he didn't think we had anything to worry about.

Elizabeth is moving into a new apartment in a couple of weeks. She doesn't feel safe where she is living. She said that her next-door neighbor is harassing her, and she heard gunshots on Sunday night. She called her landlord and he told her about another apartment he owns in a safer neighborhood, and it will be available soon. Unfortunately, it is $100 more a month than her current apartment, but at least he is transferring her security deposit. It is a one-bedroom apartment; right now she is living in an efficiency. She told me today that she is planning on getting a job after the baby is born, and wants to stay in the apartment afterward. For her sake, I hope she does.

Our lawyer wants us to keep paying the same amount each month, even though her rent is a little less than we originally estimated. They keep a careful ledger and send it to us monthly so we can see where the money is spent, and how much is left each month. The way it works is they have set up a trust account for each adoption, with each account holding the money from the adoptive parents. Payments for each adoption are made from each individual trust account. There is a separate account that is kept for the lawyer's fees for each adoptive couple. Our lawyer explained that anything extra that is left in our birth mother trust account at the end will be applied toward the final legal fees, which will make it less we have to pay in the end. I suppose this is OK. What is the difference, really? One way or another we will be paying it, anyway. And with the new apartment Elizabeth is moving into, it is really only about $125 less a month than we originally estimated anyway. When you are talking about $50,000 when all is said and done for the adoption (yes you read that correctly) what's the difference at that point?

My friend, Stacey, (I know you are reading this so if you mind me mentioning your name, let me know) said that she knows it is different for her to say this considering she isn't the one spending the money, but if in the end Elizabeth signs the paper and we get to take home Baby S, it will be all worth it. Of course she is right, and I love her for reminding me of this amazing fact. When I think of Baby S in our home, upstairs in the room we are planning for her, I feel warm inside. I know she will complete our family that is already happy. We'll just be even happier. :)

17 week update (and some other stuff)

Yesterday Elizabeth was 17 weeks along in her pregnancy, although the high-risk doctor is still sticking to the Dec. 10 due date, which would have made her 18 weeks along. The attorney spoke to regular OB, who said that when in doubt to go by the first ultrasound, which put her due date at Dec. 17, so that is what I am going by. The high-risk doctor told me not to make any plans for December though, because of the due date mix-up, and because Elizabeth delivered one week early the last time she gave birth. She also had a very quick delivery. (The baby was apparently half-out in the car, and she never even had time for any time of pain medication.) Elizabeth has said that I can be in the room with her when she delivers, joking though that I may not make it on time because of how fast she delivers. I have gotten a pre-paid cell phone for Elizabeth to call me, and she has promised to call me as soon as she goes into labor so we can go to the hospital. We have had one phone conversation since we met, and it was very comfortable and reassuring. She even called the attorney after we met, telling her that she really loved meeting me and thinks I am going to be an amazing mother, and that she couldn't be happier. :)

Anyway, back to where I started. Baby S' skeleton is now changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. She weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

On Monday I have to call the attorney to straighten out some financial stuff. We just got the monthly ledger in the mail about the costs for Elizabeth's care this month, and the amount due on our upcoming monthly payment. The amount is the same as originally discussed, even though Elizabeth was approved for food stamps since then, and even though her rent is $225 than we originally estimated. Hopefully they will not give me a hard time. The truth is that the legal fees are much more than supporting Elizabeth throughout the entire pregnancy. It's unbelievable how much the attorney will earn from this. "But it is what it is." I try not to get too wrapped up in the money part since in the end I know it will be worth it.

just a "little" piece of news to share :)

I am finally settling down to write now, at about 1:30 a.m. Today was a long and emotional day, but in a good way. I met Elizabeth and she was not at all what I expected, again in a good way. She was easy to talk to, comfortable to be around, funny, warm, smart and someone I might have even been friends with in a different life.

The ultrasound was amazing. The perinatologist had all of the latest high-tech equipment, so in addition to the regular ultrasound, Elizabeth had a 3D ultrasound. Baby S was extremely active today, and was dancing and playing all over the place. :) The doctor said that of course we have to wait for the actual amnio results for confirmation, but that everything looked really great, and that we should feel really confident and reassured from everything he saw today! :)

I honestly have tons I want to share about today, but I am emotionally exhausted from today, and will update more tomorrow with lots of details about meeting Elizabeth.

But before I go, I just want to share one small detail about Baby S... Are you ready?? Here it goes.....

She's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The perfect day, despite the bad weather

Today was a good day. It poured all day and we didn't do too much. But it was very relaxing. And it was just the two of us.
After slowly getting our acts together and getting out of the house, we ran a couple of errands to get Steven a new flash drive that was on sale (since the one he's been using for the past couple of years is now being held together by scotch tape), and a couple of things we needed for the house. There was a Star Wars marathon on TV Saturday night and all day today, and we stayed in watching most of the movies. The rain finally stopped so we went out to watch fireworks, stopped for ice cream, and came home to find our greyhound, Penny, hiding in the bathroom. Between the storms we had all day and the fireworks all night, she was terrified, and for some reason decided the best place to hide was in the upstairs bathroom between the litter box and the bathtub. We finally got her out just before there was another boom outside, which landed her right back into the bathroom. It took tons of coaxing to get her out again, and even more to get her outside for a walk. We then watched some more Star Wars. It was a quiet, relaxing day, and it was really nice.
Last year at this time, I think it saddened us a little bit when we saw families with young children watching fireworks together. But this year, there were a few times when saw a couple with a very young child in awe of the fireworks, and each time Steven and I just looked at each other and smiled, knowing that will be us next year. And it wasn't sad at all. It was happy and comforting.

This time next year

Lately, if I am doing something special, I find myself looking forward to the next time I do it more so than being happy for the present time. For example, I really like the Fourth of July. I like watching fireworks, and being with a crowd of people who are happy celebrating our country's independence. It's rare to see people break out into a fight during a fireworks show. Usually if you look around you will see people staring up the sky and smiling, and you see children's faces filled with awe. So although I am definitely excited that today is the Fourth of July, I find myself looking more forward to next Fourth of July, because I think to myself (and sometimes aloud to Steven) "Next Fourth of July, we'll have Baby S with us."

16 weeks and an avocado

If the Dec. 17th due date is accurate (I've heard it may change again at the amnio), Elizabeth was 16 weeks along on Friday. This means Baby is about the size of an avocado––four-and-a-half inches long, and weighs three-and-a-half ounces. Baby S has also started growing toenails this week, and his or her heart pumps about 25 quarts of blood each day. In the next few weeks, Baby S will have a huge growth spurt, and will double his or her weight and add inches to his or her length. His or her legs are also more developed this week.

Elizabeth has decided to meet me at the doctor's office on Tuesday, about 30 minutes before the amnio is scheduled so we can sit and chat beforehand. Afterward, I'll drive her home. I'm hoping to get to know her a little bit, in addition to meeting the doctor, and of course seeing Baby S on the screen and hearing his or her heartbeat. :)

Heading to sleep at last

It's about 12:30 a.m. and I have no idea how I am still awake and functioning. I wound up pulling an actual all-nighter last night, like the kind you pull when you are in college studying for finals. I went to sleep at 7:30 a.m. Thursday morning after working ALL night. I then slept until about 10:30 a.m. and got up and went to work at the magazine, stopped at Publix on my way home from work, made dinner, and did a little more work for my other freelance job at the newspaper. I'm finally about to go to sleep, and though it will probably be close to 1 a.m. before I fall asleep, I think this may be my earliest night this week.

Our attorney is out of town this week and next week. Tomorrow I am expecting to speak with the paralegal in her office to work out the details for me being with Elizabeth for the amnio on Tuesday. We have left it up to Elizabeth if she wants to meet me at the doctor's office, or if she would like me to pick her up, and maybe have lunch and chat for a little while before the appointment. Either way, I will be offering to drive her home after the appointment. She does not have a car and needs to take three buses to get to the perinatologist who will be performing the procedure. After the amnio, she is supposed to rest as much as possible for about two days, as there is a 1 in 400 chance of miscarriage from amnios. That's a scary thought, but the amnio is important, and is 100 percent accurate in diagnosing abnormalities, such as Down syndrome. We are praying that Baby S is a healthy baby. That is what is most important to us.