Time is ticking away

It's 1:30 a.m. and pain is keeping me awake as it does pretty much every night. Today marked four weeks since this began. My physical therapist has explained to me that the large separated disc fragment is wrapped around my S1 nerve, which is the nerve that runs from the lower back, down the back of the thigh, around to the outside of the leg down to the toes. The worst pain I have is in my foot. Part of my foot is numb, part feels like it has pins and needles, and I get shooting pains in my toes. It's lots of fun. (note the sarcasm.) He says that if the disc is to dissolve on its own, it would take a very long time, and we are working on aggressive exercises that are designed to pop the disc off of my nerve. That way even though I will still have the sequestered disc, it wouldn't be on my nerve causing these symptoms.

Today I drove myself to physical therapy. It is the first time I have driven in a month. It was uncomfortable, but it was nice to finally have some independence. My physical therapist is very knowledgeable and we are both hoping I won't end up needing a spinal fusion, but only time will tell. He did explain to me that if I wind up healing without surgery, I need to be aware that I will wind up with arthritis in my lower spine, and will lose a little height, since I will have very little disc separating the two vertebra where the disc broke apart. He also tells me during every visit, as both neurosurgeons I have seen have told me, that I should never get pregnant. It's hard to hear even though it didn't happen for us anyway, to know that it isn't safe for me to ever have children. But the truth is that right now, my biggest goal is to get better before Baby S arrives. She is mainly what I think about when I think about getting better and about the future. My therapist says that if I do get better without surgery, I will need to do certain exercises every day for the rest of my life, and will need to know that my lower back will always be unstable. This is still the better option than having surgery, because that could lead to pressure on my other discs above the fusion, which would cause more problems in other areas of my spine.

Tonight we were outside for a few minutes and the neighbor across the street came over to say hello. She said that the whole neighborhood has been gossiping, saying that we are getting a baby soon, but she wasn't going to believe it until she heard it directly from us, so we told her all about Baby S and how excited we are. We live in a very gossipy neighborhood that reminds me of Wisteria Lane from "Desperate Housewives." The women all stand on the street corners in the evening gossiping. We are friendly to them, but try to stay away from the cliques. Anyway, this neighbor across the street happens to be my favorite of the neighbors because she seems to be genuine, while most of the others seem to be phony. She was very excited for us when we told her about Baby S tonight, and she asked a lot of questions.

My friend, Mattie, found this amazing swing for a great deal last weekend. So now it is put together in our living room. It's pink and rocks back and forth while playing music and projecting butterflies in lights, in addition to have a mobile of butterflies. Every time I see it I smile, and it makes Baby S even more real to us. Elizabeth is due 11 weeks from Friday.

This week she had her gestational diabetes test, and she passed with flying colors. Elizabeth and Baby S are both doing very well. My mother is looking at patterns as she is getting ready to start knitting a sweater and hat for Baby S. Steven's grandmother is knitting a blanket for Baby S. She will be literally wrapped up in warmth and love.