back to work

As of Friday morning, I will back to work. My three regular clients all suddenly contacted me on Thursday asking me if I am ready to work. I do not want to, and honestly cannot afford to, lose them permanently, so I agreed to begin to work regularly again to keep their business.

Friday morning (in just a few hours) I will be taking Sami for a 40-minute ride to pick up pages I need to edit over the weekend, and then will be dropping them back off on Monday morning. Then I have two large stories due by close-of-business Tuesday.

I still haven't figured out how I am going to work all day on tight deadlines while caring for Sami at home, since I work from home, and especially after nights of no sleep. I was hoping to be able to wait to get back to work until she wasn't up all night and day, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

Tonight I got moody and antsy because I do not really leave the house aside from the weekly pediatrician appointments, and I'm cranky from sleeping so little. I felt like my life is the only one that has changed at all when I watched Steven leave to play basketball for the third time this week, while my days and nights revolve around trying to juggle work and taking care of Sami. I really do not want to complain because I love every second I spend with her. She truly lights up my life. I was just cranky because I am functioning on such a little amount of sleep. Steven did take over walking the dogs in the morning and evenings, cleaning the cats' litter boxes and feeding the animals, and helping clean the house when he gets home from being at work all day, but I admit I am still selfishly jealous that he sleeps at night and still gets to break away from the house. And on top of everything else, the symptoms in my back and foot are beginning to resurface, most likely because I haven't been able to go to the gym and do all the exercises prescribed by my physical therapist. I need to find a way to get back there 4 times a week like I had been doing before Sami was born. My therapist told me that I need to think of going to the gym, and doing the specific exercises and stretches, as my job, as it is a necessity in trying to avoid back surgery. It is extremely important for me to get back to that routine.

I honestly feel so guilty complaining, because I know how lucky I am to have her. I think just the tiredness catches up with me and I need to vent.

I am happy to be getting back to work and back to writing on a regular basis, I just wish I didn't have to get back to it only two weeks after Sami is home from the hospital, and while she is still so colicky and not sleeping. But it will be nice to see adults tomorrow. I am not sure if I will actually see more than one adult, because someone is meeting me outside with the pages I will be editing, so that I do not have to bring Sami into the building where about 200 people work, as I am still trying very hard for her to avoid germs. I am lucky they are willing to work with me that way.

I am also lucky to be working from home. If I had to go back to an office this early and leave Sami in someone else's care, I do not think I could do it. Yes, I do know it will be challenging to work while also taking care of her, but the benefits of getting to spend my time with this beautiful and amazing child are so worth it.