Today we are waiting to hear from the attorney to see if Elizabeth has been moved out of the hotel and set up in a new place to live, a place we hope she will stay for at least the remainder of the pregnancy.
When I let my mind wander about having a baby in our home in December, I become filled with warm feelings, picturing a crib upstairs and holding a baby in my arms. I am also terrified because deep down I know anything can happen. Elizabeth could change her mind. I cannot imagine what it would be like to carry a child for 9 months, give birth to him or her, and then sign away parental rights. Elizabeth is not expected to change her mind, as she has done this before and knows what is ahead of her. But I still can't stop myself from being afraid this time she will feel too connected to this child to let him or her go.
I try not to think that way often. I am trying to put my faith and trust to God that this will turn out however it is meant to be, and if it is not this child that is meant for us, there will be another one that will become ours to love. I sometimes have trouble with faith, because I've seen bad things happen to good people, and watched my father battle health issues for years, and he is the last person on earth who deserved that struggle. But here I am, putting my faith out there anyway. I feel that I have no choice right now but to have faith and to trust that everything will turn out exactly the way it should.
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We're in the exact same place! I'm not a religious person, but boy have I been expressing this sentiment a lot lately! It's about giving up control (because the alternative is TOO STRESSFUL) and putting it in the Universe's hands. It'll happen or it won't, but we'll all be OK either way, even though it doesn't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I do not consider myself a very religious person either, but I think there comes a time (especially with something as huge as this) where you have to just let go and put your trust in someone or something else. It's sort of like just holding your breath and jumping.
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