Saturday, May 29, 2010

Let's go back a little bit...

I realized that maybe I need to start a little further back in this story.
Steven and I always knew we wanted kids. Sadly, after almost two years of trying it still hadn't happened for us. Two fertility specialists later we received a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility." This is a frustrating diagnosis, because although it's a relief to hear they can't find anything wrong with you, there is nothing for them to treat.
We considered trying In Vitro Fertilization, but at $15,000 a pop, and the average taking three tries to work (if it works at all) we feared that if we tried IVF and it didn't work, we'd end up with nothing: no child and no finances left for adoption, the next step in our plans.
We first went to JAFCO (Jewish Adoption and Foster Care Options Inc.), thinking we could start there. However, because JAFCO focuses on fostering, and the birth parents have two years to try to get their lives together and welcome their children back into their homes, we decided that wasn't for us. Neither of us thought we could handle that heartbreak if we were to lose a child after spending two years with him or her. even though we'd be happy for the family to be reunited.
So we went to our rabbi for advice, since he and his wife have actually adopted three of their own, and he referred us to a local adoption attorney.
Around this time we were also in the process of purchasing our house. We knew that part of the process of adopting included a home study, so we decided to wait a few months to start the process.
In late March we met with our adoption attorney. The costs involved are higher than we even anticipated, so a loan was in order, in addition to lots of belt-tightening. Hoping we'd be able to pull that part off, we decided to begin the process because we knew in the end it would be worth it.
So we collected letters from our family and friends, who wrote beautiful words about what kind of parents they believed we would make and the loving home we would create for a child. We went through background checks and clearances, and began the home study process.
And we waited for the phone to ring.

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