Friday, January 14, 2011

A beautiful miracle

I can look at Samantha for hours and never get bored. In fact, when I stare at her, I am just amazed. She is just so beautiful. Watching her smile, watching her yawn, and yes, even watching her scream and cry until her chin starts to quiver and she scrunches her face up in anger, all amaze me. To me, she is a miracle.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

10 weeks old

Sami is 10 weeks old today. I can't believe it. I also cannot believe how much she has changed in 10 weeks. And I am amazed at how much my life has changed in 10 weeks. She is truly the center of my world, and makes me smile so much every day. She completes me.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A real night's sleep

Sami slept for 7 continuous hours last night, from 11:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. She is continuing to do so well on the latest formula. After she ate I held for a little while and put her in her bouncer chair, and sat on the floor next to her and read her "Goodnight Moon" three times. I am not sure if I was reading it more to her or to myself because I love that book. She fell back asleep during the third read, and is still sleeping. I can't imagine she will sleep too long after just sleeping for 7 hours, but I guess you never know.

Last night we went to a restaurant for the first time since she has been out of the hospital, and took Sami inside a restaurant for the first time. She slept the whole time in her car seat carrier on the booth next to me. We went to Friday's and Steven told the waiter it was my birthday, which meant an embarrassing loud song to me by a large group of waiters and waitresses. But we did get free ice cream out of it.

I called Elizabeth on Thursday. It was the first time I have spoken to her since when she called the day before Thanksgiving. It was a nice conversation. She thanked me profusely for calling to offer our condolences for Carlos, and said that she knows we went above and beyond for her and thanked us again for everything we did for us. Of course when I look at Sami's face, everything was more than worth it. Elizabeth asked a little bit about Sami. She did not ask her name. She mainly asked if she was healthy, considering her low birth weight and how early she was. I assured her that the pediatrician says she is perfect. She asked me what color her eyes and hair are, and that was really it. She said she was very happy the baby was with us, and that from the first time she met me she felt we had known each other for years.

This coming Friday our social worker is coming to our house for a post-placement visit to see us with Sami. We will have one more visit with her at least a month after this visit in her office. After that we wait to find out when our court date is for the adoption to be finalized.

Friday, January 7, 2011

A lot has changed in 5 years

Today marks five years ago since my father passed away. It's so hard to believe. I find it so bizarre sometimes how life just goes on without the people we love. I know that's how it has to be, but it's still so odd to me. We do all the normal things we have to do such as get up and go to work, pay bils, etc., and we have major milestones such as having a baby, buying a new house, etc., even though these important people are gone.

I don't know how five years have gone by. In many ways, it feels like my father was still here just yesterday. In other ways, it feels like it's been a lifetime since I have seen him. So much has changed in five years, and I hate that he hasn't been here to see it. He's had two new grandchildren since he has been gone, has had his three eldest grandchildren begin college, and all the ones in between have grown so much and are so different than he would remember. I have married a man he has never even met, and we have moved into a new house he has never seen. How crazy is that?? I never would have imagined my father wouldn't be here to witness all of these milestones. It breaks my heart.

On Friday, I am taking Sami to the cemetery with hopes that my father will be nearby and can see his new beautiful granddaughter. It may sound morbid, but honestly it is so very peaceful there, and I look forward to spending time there with Sami.

I know the chances of you reading this are slim Dad, but I just want you to know how very much you are missed and loved today and every other day.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

mixed bag of news

I had such a great birthday! We all met at my mom's house Tuesday evening for pizza and ice cream cake. We all joked around and just had such a great time. It was honestly one of the best birthdays I have ever had. It wasn't fancy or exciting, but it was warm and relaxing, and of course the best part of all was sharing it with Sami. As you can see, Sami got all dressed up for the occasion. :)

On Wednesday, Sami had her two-month check up. She weighs 7 pounds and 7 ounces, and is 20.75 inches long. She only had half of her two-month vaccinations, since the doctor said she is still small and that most babies getting their two-month shots are between 10 and 12 pounds. In four weeks she will be going back for the rest of her two-month shots. She screamed her head off, but aside from that it was a great visit. The pediatrician agreed that Sami is doing great on her new formula and seems like a new baby.

I did receive some sad news earlier today. Carlos, Sami's biological father, passed away on Monday night. Tomorrow I will call Elizabeth to see how she is doing. Elizabeth and Carlos had been together for almost 10 years. He had been in a terrible car accident last May, and was paralyzed from the neck down, which was part of the reason Elizabeth decided to give the baby up for adoption. I never did meet Carlos, but I feel connected to him through Sami, and was very sad to hear the news. Elizabeth did say often that Carlos may have been better off dying in the car accident, because of the state he was left in being paralyzed, communicating only through blinking, so I hope he is in a better place now, and no longer suffering. One day I will have to tell Sami about not only Elizabeth, but Carlos, too.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me!

So it's after midnight on January 4, which means it's officially my birthday. So far, it's been pretty great. Right at midnight on the dot, my mother called me and played "happy birthday" on the piano, Steven brought me a beautiful card (he gave me my gift early over the weekend), Sami started screaming, and our cat, Lucky, came over to me. I believe Sami and Lucky both knew it was my birthday. Sami stopped screaming at 12:03 a.m., after she was done saying happy birthday to me in her way.

Steven got me the Nook, and I've already downloaded 3 books and am having fun learning the ropes on how to use it. On Tuesday evening, my family is all meeting at my mom's house for birthday cake.

On Wednesday, Sami is scheduled for her two-month vaccinations, which means it's safer to take her out in public, so we may go out to dinner one night this week. While babies are usually born with their mother's immunities, those immunities are passed along in the last two months of the pregnancy, so Sami was born with very few of those immunities, so we've had to be very careful about taking her around people and germs. I actually have been fighting a cold the past few days, which I find so ironic because I was so nervous about someone being contagious around Sami. I never thought it would be me!! Luckily, the Zicam I began taking right when my symptoms began seems to be knocking the cold out.

My life has changed a lot since my last birthday. Of course the best change is welcoming Sami into her home. And of course we've had a few rough times this past year, losing two precious cats, and me injuring my back more in August. Last year at this time, we had just moved into the house that now really feels like home, and were imagining what it would be like to have a child here. Today, I can't imagine our home without Sami here.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The happy baby

We feel as though we have a new child. She laughs. She coos. She smiles so often. Sami has changed into a happy baby!! It is such an amazing feeling to see her so happy. I believe she must have been in a lot of pain before starting this new formula. The expression on her face is even completely different.

On Thursday morning I put her in her bouncer chair, which usually makes her scream. But instead, as soon as I turned on the vibration button, she started laughing. She was hysterical sitting in her chair, literally cracking up. I quickly took a photo, which I've posted here.

Also on Thursday, I put Sami in her Pack N Play, which also usually makes her scream, so I could do a couple of things in the house. Usually I have to walk around holding her because every time you set her down, she screams. Well she seemed very comfortable in her Pack N Play when I set her inside on her back on Thursday morning, so I left her for a few minutes. When I came back she was on her stomach!! She had rolled over. I then walked away again for a minute and when I came back, she was on her back, having rolled back over!! Our pediatrician says it takes amazing strength for a 7-pound baby to roll herself over. Sam is continuing to make us proud.

We are looking forward to a new year of new milestones.