Saturday, June 12, 2010

Why adoption?

It's almost 4 a.m. and I'm not even close to tired for some reason. We didn't go out tonight, just relaxed, ate dinner and watched some TV. Steven fell asleep and I stayed up watching some "Friends" reruns. I'm not sure if anyone reading this blog is a "Friends" fan, but if you are, you may remember the last few episodes before the series ended when Monica and Chandler adopted a baby from the character Erica. I know it's just a TV sit-com, but it seemed like a sign when I saw those were the episodes airing tonight.
Of course their situation was different. They had met Erica in person a few times, and were actually with her when she went into labor, and Monica and Chandler were actually the ones that brought her to the hospital. Erica was a bit flakey, and didn't know she was having twins, because when her OB told her he heard two heartbeats, she just thought one of the heartbeats was hers and the other one was the baby's. So imagine Monica and Chandler's shock when they learned in the delivery room that they were about to become parents to two children.
When we originally started the process to adopt, one of the questions we were asked is if we were open to twins. We quickly said "yes." Because the mother's financial support doesn't change whether she is carrying one or two babies, and the legal fees are only a little higher, we figured that was the only chance we'd be able to have two children as it's very doubtful we'd be able to afford to adopt more than once.
Elizabeth is now 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant, so by now we'd know if she was carrying twins. She's not. Although I would have been very happy to have learned she was carrying twins, I'm just as happy that she is carrying one child, because either way, I get to be a mother.
Many people pursue fertility treatments harder than Steven and I did. Our main reason for going straight to adoption is that the cost of fertility treatments is very high, and the success rate isn't very high, and we were scared that if we spent every penny on fertility treatments and they didn't work we wouldn't have any finances left to adopt, and we'd be left with no chance of a child. When deciding what to do after we were diagnosed with unexplained fertility, a wise person I know asked me "Is your goal having a biological child or is your goal to become a mother?" For me, the only goal was never to biologically carry a child, although of course it would have been great if it happened. My goal has simply been to become a mother.

3 comments:

  1. Hi Joyce, it's the other Paula mom - Steven's great-grandmother was Sarah Rifkah. He has one cousin named Sarah. His grandfather was Solomon. Lot's of Sssss. I want you to know that you are pregnant. If having all the feelings, stress, worry, hopes and desires count. These are all good things and the reason you and Steven will be good parents.
    Paula

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  2. Hi Joyce, I'm a December mom from Babycenter and found a link to your blog on our birthclub...just want to say hi.....What an amazing story you are sharing with us! i will be following your story and can' wait to read about our first encounter wih your baby!I am also a big frieds fan and I was just watching the episodes about Monica and Chandler's adoption journey the other day on DVD....then I saw your blog. send you lots of love and good wishes and I'm sure you will be a great mom!
    Karin

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